I Could EASILY Beat These People Up!
When people look at me, they think ONE THING... That guy can probably beat up ANYONE!
I've got this raw power and strength, and I'm ready to fight!
Here are the people I KNOW I can beat up!
1. Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World.
If I had a Time Machine and was able to go back to 1997, I would DESTROY George Feeny. I'm taller, and more wiry. He wouldn't stand a chance. BUT... He could inspire me to not beat him up. Mr. Feeny always gave the best advice.
PS. Wasn't it weird that Mr. Feeny followed the kids to EVERY GRADE they went to? I mean the guy even followed them to COLLEGE! Mr. Feeny, you are NEEDY, my man! Also, that's how you catch a stalking charge!
2. Tony Chambers, Dixie Direct Savings Guide.
If you've ever been on a fight on Facebook, it's probably been with Tony. Yes, he saves me HUNDREDS every year with the Dixie Direct Savings Guide, but I'll forget about that during our melee. Tony is also a first-time Grandpa now though. That part scares me. Grandpa strength IS REAL! I'll have to outsmart him, and come at him when he least expects it.
(In this photo, we're smiling... But I'm actually weighing him to know what moves I could pull when I inevitably fight him.)
3. Angela Lansbury, now.
This one would be a tougher fight than with Tony. Mostly because I loved Angela Lansbury as a child. She was in TWO of my favorite movies: Dennis the Menace and she was the voice of Mr. Potts in Beauty & The Beast. She comes in at 5'4" 92 lbs and I'm 6'4" 240 lbs. Come on... no contest. I would win.
4. Regis Philbin.
Again... another celebrity I grew up watching. But I also grew up WANTING TO FIGHT THEM. He hosted one of the GREATEST Game Shows of all time... Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. I watched that every Tuesday night. Google says Regis was 5'7"... YEAH RIGHT! That guy was maybe 5'5". He's also been dead a few years now, but I'm still PRETTY SURE I could beat him in a fight! When I get to Heaven, Regis... LOOK OUT! I'm coming for you.
5. My mom's next door neighbor.
Her name is Glenda and she's at least 85. She is short, frail, and has a little white grandma afro. I seriously love her. She always says hi to me when she sees me and she couldn't be nicer. But There's not a doubt in my mind I could beat her in a fight. Glenda, if you're reading this... I love you. But you know you wouldn't stand a chance!
PS... This photo is actually of my Grandma Mary. Glenda doesn't have a Facebook page, but she kind of looks like my grandma. So this will do.
Gif cred: Giphy.com